I just want to be a singer, God damn it! That is all. Why is that so hard? I can sing. I have a great voice. There is no reason for me not to do this. What is wrong with me? Why am I so clouded with negativity that I cannot accept for myself that this is what I was born to do? I guess I am scared: terribly, terribly scared. Isn't that lame? To have the ability to open one's mouth and make beautiful music come out at will and entertain myself for hours and be too scared to use it? How pointless is that?
I am a good singer. I have always loved to sing. I need to pursue this wholeheartedly. I can do it if I set my mind to it. I can be great. I do not necessarily have to be a struggling street peddler, but if I am, who cares? I have already stated before that I am not a "stuff" person, so the lack of money certainly wouldn't bother me so much as doing something I hated would.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Happiness in a Hand Basket
I don't fit in with this consumerist culture and I've had enough. God damn it! I think. I think critically. I feel. I feel deeply. I am not a "stuff" person. I don't like stuff. I've come to the realization that I don't need a bunch of material possessions to be happy, never did, and therefore am not afraid of being poor. Since I am not afraid of poverty, I am free to live. I get to do what makes me happy, whether that means singing, writing, whatever. I don't have to pigeon hole myself into a consumerist category. I don't need to be imprisoned by the system and I won't do it. I'm going to do what I love and say what I feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. (Like that bit of Dr. Seuss I slipped in there?)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Feminine Hygiene Conspiracy
Can someone please tell me why, why, why, why, in this day in age do they still sell scented tampons? Or any scented feminine hygiene products at all? It has been said over and over again, by doctors everywhere, that putting any kind of fragrance in or around the vagina, vulva, labia, urethra, or even the asshole is not only unnecessary, but fucking harmful? Wow, I'm on my period, so I think in addition to my regular discomfort, I'll further disrupt my pH balance and cause a plethora of genital infections, so that I can feel fresh.
I mean, does anybody even like these things? I don't understand the point. I guess, if I stoop my thinking a little and remember there was a time when women were so afraid of their smell ruining their marriages that they douched with Lysol (that's right, Lysol! That shit you clean your bathroom with! In your vagina! Ain't that appealing! Kills 99.9% of uninfected vagina!), I can understand why some dipshits might use a scented maxi pad or pantyliner, both of which are equally unappealing. At least a maxi pad or pantyliner collects menstrual fluid from the outside and can, if left too long, begin to smell--not that adding synthetic flowers to the mix camouflages it any batter. But, one of the perks of tampons is that since they're internal, they don't have an odor. So, why would anyone need a flower scent to cover it up? Come on, people are pretty hygienic these days, sometimes unhealthily so. Americans are obsessed with daily showers. This is not eighteenth century France, when people never bathed. I think that if you think your vagina smells so bad during your normal menstrual period that it needs perfume, you need to either see a gynecologist to have that shit treated or a psychiatrist to figure out why you're so ashamed of your body.
So, because I've come to the conclusion that no conscious woman would ever buy these vaginal air fresheners willingly, the only way they still get sales is when someone accidentally buys them, like I just did, and doesn't notice until they use them and have opened the box. The manufacturers write "fresh scent" in teeny tiny letters on an otherwise normal-looking tampon box and count on the idiot consumer to overlook this detail and then be too embarrassed to return an already-opened box of tampons. Then, either the disgruntled woman must use them or purchase an additional box of normal, overpriced, and unscented tampons. That means these greedy corporate bastards get twice their monthly profits. Aha! It's a conspiracy! I know it!
I mean, does anybody even like these things? I don't understand the point. I guess, if I stoop my thinking a little and remember there was a time when women were so afraid of their smell ruining their marriages that they douched with Lysol (that's right, Lysol! That shit you clean your bathroom with! In your vagina! Ain't that appealing! Kills 99.9% of uninfected vagina!), I can understand why some dipshits might use a scented maxi pad or pantyliner, both of which are equally unappealing. At least a maxi pad or pantyliner collects menstrual fluid from the outside and can, if left too long, begin to smell--not that adding synthetic flowers to the mix camouflages it any batter. But, one of the perks of tampons is that since they're internal, they don't have an odor. So, why would anyone need a flower scent to cover it up? Come on, people are pretty hygienic these days, sometimes unhealthily so. Americans are obsessed with daily showers. This is not eighteenth century France, when people never bathed. I think that if you think your vagina smells so bad during your normal menstrual period that it needs perfume, you need to either see a gynecologist to have that shit treated or a psychiatrist to figure out why you're so ashamed of your body.
So, because I've come to the conclusion that no conscious woman would ever buy these vaginal air fresheners willingly, the only way they still get sales is when someone accidentally buys them, like I just did, and doesn't notice until they use them and have opened the box. The manufacturers write "fresh scent" in teeny tiny letters on an otherwise normal-looking tampon box and count on the idiot consumer to overlook this detail and then be too embarrassed to return an already-opened box of tampons. Then, either the disgruntled woman must use them or purchase an additional box of normal, overpriced, and unscented tampons. That means these greedy corporate bastards get twice their monthly profits. Aha! It's a conspiracy! I know it!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Back to The Old Ways
It's 1:18 a.m. On a school night. You bet your ass I should be in bed right now. But, I'm not. I'm sure if you're reading (which you totally aren't by the way), you're probably sick of hearing me yammering about my goddamn menstrual cycle already. Too bad. I'm yammering anyway. Get over it. It's not that I always complain about my period and what it entails, I just only work up enough rage to actually complain about things that annoy me when that time of the month hits. I'm PMSing again, which means nothing is going right with my life. I'm retaining more water than the Hoover Dam, I'm extremely horny, I alternate between anger/bitchiness and sadness/crying jags, I get at least one new pustule on my chin daily, and my sleeping schedule's all fucked up. I either can't go to sleep or can't stay asleep and that's with the addition of medication. I give up.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Rachel's Challenge
Today, I sat through a program called "Rachel's Challenge." I was the lone voice. I was the only asshole to criticize such a seemingly good-natured pro-kindness school outreach program. And I didn't cry. At least not during the presentation. I cried later. But, I didn't cry because of Rachel Joy Scott or her message or the tragic loss of life or the Columbine Massacre or the stories of horrific "bullying".
I cried because it's a lie. Nobody really cares about how they treat people. Nobody will call themselves "bully". Nobody is genuinely committed to kindness or acceptance of others. It's fake. It's shock value. Rachel's Challenge is emotional manipulation and nobody is questioning it. Nobody but me. I questioned it. I asked a fundamental question that nobody could answer. Haven't we all been told that the Columbine shooting was caused because two misfit boys were bullied and decided to kill their bullies?
If so, wouldn't that have made Rachel a bully? I've asked this question to as many people as I could, but no one can give me a straight answer. Nobody knows and nobody else is asking why. I would honestly love if everybody would actually make a consistent effort to not only be kind people, but to do it for the right reasons. One shouldn't be kind because a professional speaker in a high school gym told them to do so or to get the most "chain links(paper links with kind deeds written on them)" of all the high schools or simply because it's trendy. People should be kind because they want to, because it's right, because they believe it. People have to want change to make change. They have to put in the effort. They have to try. But, nobody wants to try.
No one is thinking about the reasons why. Critical thinking is lost on these people, too clouded by forced emotion. No one is really sure why they should tolerate others or who they should really tolerate. It is impossible to be tolerant of everything without being intolerant. (To accept everything is to accept intolerance and things that contradict all the values one supposedly holds.) They only know that "kind" people accept everyone--unless of course it's someone who holds values that are dramatically different from the ones they are taught. Where's the logic in that? It's very hypocritical and it's not very smart.
Rachel's Challenge, as a whole, is not a very great program. It's way over-exaggerated and it's making some big corporations a lot of money (These seminars aren't free), as well as being heavily Christian. And, most of all, it makes kindness a fad--a novelty that will fade away by next week. People aren't going to change because of it. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do but make the best of it, be the people we want to be, question as much as we can, and accept the scam for what it is. How others choose (or don't choose) to act or think or believe is completely out of my control and I can't let it get the better of me. I can only observe and be entertained.
I cried because it's a lie. Nobody really cares about how they treat people. Nobody will call themselves "bully". Nobody is genuinely committed to kindness or acceptance of others. It's fake. It's shock value. Rachel's Challenge is emotional manipulation and nobody is questioning it. Nobody but me. I questioned it. I asked a fundamental question that nobody could answer. Haven't we all been told that the Columbine shooting was caused because two misfit boys were bullied and decided to kill their bullies?
If so, wouldn't that have made Rachel a bully? I've asked this question to as many people as I could, but no one can give me a straight answer. Nobody knows and nobody else is asking why. I would honestly love if everybody would actually make a consistent effort to not only be kind people, but to do it for the right reasons. One shouldn't be kind because a professional speaker in a high school gym told them to do so or to get the most "chain links(paper links with kind deeds written on them)" of all the high schools or simply because it's trendy. People should be kind because they want to, because it's right, because they believe it. People have to want change to make change. They have to put in the effort. They have to try. But, nobody wants to try.
No one is thinking about the reasons why. Critical thinking is lost on these people, too clouded by forced emotion. No one is really sure why they should tolerate others or who they should really tolerate. It is impossible to be tolerant of everything without being intolerant. (To accept everything is to accept intolerance and things that contradict all the values one supposedly holds.) They only know that "kind" people accept everyone--unless of course it's someone who holds values that are dramatically different from the ones they are taught. Where's the logic in that? It's very hypocritical and it's not very smart.
Rachel's Challenge, as a whole, is not a very great program. It's way over-exaggerated and it's making some big corporations a lot of money (These seminars aren't free), as well as being heavily Christian. And, most of all, it makes kindness a fad--a novelty that will fade away by next week. People aren't going to change because of it. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do but make the best of it, be the people we want to be, question as much as we can, and accept the scam for what it is. How others choose (or don't choose) to act or think or believe is completely out of my control and I can't let it get the better of me. I can only observe and be entertained.
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Freak Show
I hate people--all people. This includes me. I have clinically low self-esteem to the point that self-loathing has become my own personal sport. But, I assure you that my esteem for others is drastically lower. I am not impressed with my species. I believe humans were given great gifts: highly capable and rational minds, autonomy, and language, just to name a few. What did they do with it? Nothing. We have made no progress. We are not very evolved and have accomplished very little. Our humanity has gotten in the way--gotten the better of us. We are far too driven by greed and power and arrogance.
So, what's an intelligent specimen to do? The answer, I suppose, would be to separate myself entirely from this stunning array of pod people and simply observe their ridiculous shenanigans as a form of entertainment. George Carlin frequently said, "When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." Now, old George has been dead for five years and can longer sit around with a notepad and observe the human experiment. I intend to pick up where he left off and record my own observations, slowly tapering off my emotional attachment to the homo-sapiens until I at last have no stake in the results.
And so it begins.
So, what's an intelligent specimen to do? The answer, I suppose, would be to separate myself entirely from this stunning array of pod people and simply observe their ridiculous shenanigans as a form of entertainment. George Carlin frequently said, "When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." Now, old George has been dead for five years and can longer sit around with a notepad and observe the human experiment. I intend to pick up where he left off and record my own observations, slowly tapering off my emotional attachment to the homo-sapiens until I at last have no stake in the results.
And so it begins.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
It's Four O'Clock in The Morning, DAMN IT!
Here I am, nonexistent readers! I, Taylor Wilstein, blogger and night owl, am awake at four a.m. writing this crap and watching Friends reruns. This is how I spend my summer, folks! Don't judge me! So, what went wrong today that left me awake and blogging at four a.m.? Menstrual cramps. (I know, TMI, get over it!) While I am happily no longer cramping, I spent most of my day curled up on my bed, in the dark, poppin' ibuprofen, while Wolverine metaphorically clawed me out from the inside. Now, I'm not sure if you nonexistent readers have ever suffered from "the curse", but if you have, you know that one of the only ways to get rid of the pain, at least temporarily, is to sleep it off. So, after sleeping until one in the afternoon and waking up in throes of pain from the bowels of hell, I took some ibuprofen, drank some water, and ate some peanut butter toast. I felt okay for about twenty minutes before my uterus decided I'd had a little too much fun and needed to suffer some more. Back to bed for me! So, with my cat by my side, I took a cuddly four-hour nap and then got up and ate dinner. I've simply been woozy, lightheaded, and nauseous ever since. But at least the cramps are gone! Long story short, fourteen hours of sleep are not exactly conducive to an early bedtime the next night. So, alas, I feel like I might actually be getting sleepy albeit a bit anemic. Off to bed with me! Goodnight, imaginary readers!
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